We're Back! A Blogosaur Story

What better way to kick off this frosty New Year's Eve than to announce our triumphant return to Blog 'scuse me? A combination of relocating, lack of collaborations between Korn and Lil' Wayne, and getting turned down by Michael Phelps for an intimate interview had forced us into hiding. Now we've returned to delight and terrify and we've brought pictures of cookies from The Lost Cookie Party. We know that you all have been salivating to see the product of our November Cookie Party. Now we're debuting the lost pictures from that magical sugar-dusted night. Our hope is that if and when you encounter us on the street you grab us by the lapels and demand the recipes for the gooey confections below.



Our scrumptious c chip cooks in their doughy infantile stage before they are thrown into a 350F hell box.


Here the chips are at that perfect melty chocotastic phase.


Here we plop some preserves into the squishy adult hamster size balls of dough that will become linzer torte.


The finished product - the inclusion of sea salt made this sort of like a chubby potato chip with blackberry topping. Yummo! (copywrite 2002 Rachel Ray)


Palm Trees fresh from the oven. Apparently, you bake the cooks before you ice them. It only took us our second try to get that right. Lesson learned.


A sparkly sweet treat for Santa's pre-Christmas retreat to Aruba.


A Special Gift for the Holidays
Apparently, Mariah Carey Carey, the science community is not impressed by your glass cracking soprano and quick marriage to Nick Cannon.

Cookie Party Redux!

Our first cookie party was less than successful with no clear winner and decidedly not blog-worthy. It would have helped if we baked something resembling a cookie. However, Tara and I refuse to give up and today (in the spirit of Veganmofo even though it is officially November) we are holding our second ever Cookie Party. Please feel free to join in and email us pictures of your crispy, chewy, fresh from the oven vegan cookie delights. We will post pictures and hold a vote to decide the winner. No prizes, just the simple pleasure of knowing that you won a contest on a blog that gets two visits a day. And isn't that the greatest prize of all?

Our first cookie party attempt:

Chocolate Crinkles - delicious but were more donuty than cookie crisp.




Chocolate-raspberry bark with orange zest. We discovered that accidentally doubling the oil produces cookies similar to charcoal patties.


Email all entries to monicatara@gmail.com.

You have one week(until November 9, 2008) to grace us with your scrumptious cookie porn before we vote ours the best. We will expose your shots to the public so they can select which cookies look the most suitable for worship.

Moping Over a Hot Stove

This past weekend I broke my commitment to participate in the 2008 ColdNFuzzy Studded Glove Dance-Off. I was well aware that passing up this opportunity was the act of a lunatic, but I had some serious moping to do after the lamest two weeks of my adult life.

And what better way to mope during the Vegan Month of Food than shut myself in my apartment and prepare things to gorge on while watching Rock of Love Charm School?

Saturday's brunch-for-lunch was a tofu scramble with green bell pepper and onion, grape tomatoes with rice vinegar and dried basil, and wheat toast with apricot preserves. I had worked up an intense hunger during the big summer-to-fall wardrobe switch. Sometimes I don't know how I freakin survive these high-velocity weekends.

It's October, and we all know what that means - pumpkincentric everything. I face this yearly pumpkin obsession with zero cynicism. I love pumpkins. I also love cookies, so it made perfect sense for me to grab a can of puree and make these pumpkin clumps. The recipe called for an alarming amount of dry oatmeal, producing a cookie of power bar consistency and slight blandness. Not bad, but next time I'll make sweet rolls.

Monday was less moping, more brown rice. This was a recipe-free attempt at Mexican cuisine - black beans and leftover green pepper and onion were thrown into the rice with some cayenne pepper, cumin, and chili powder. I was impressed, and emailed Chili's this photo with the suggestion that they expand their menu. Chili's was game until they realized the dark things were beans and not chunks of cow heart.

The crowning achievement of the week was tonight's Creamy Pumpkin Soup, which I made with the leftover puree. The original recipe uses chicken broth, evaporated cow's milk, and Parmesan cheese, so I substituted with low-salt vegan broth, reduced some soy milk on the stove, and omitted the cheese garnish. Cumin, chopped jalapeno, black pepper, salt, and a bay leaf wonderfully compliment the mellow flavor of the pumpkin. And how could I resist a dish that calls for sauteed celery??

So thus far, autumn has been alive with oats and gourds - and it's only going to get awesomer. I will now depart to gather more recipes for the mope session I have planned for a random weekend in January 2012. It will most likely feature lattes, butternut squash pancakes, and me entering a depression-induced coma while watching The Fly II.

Girl Drinks and Stray Cats

I'm back from Aruba with some sweet delicious Veganmofo action for everyone who accidentally stumbles onto this blog searching for a Michael Phelps puff piece. That's right! It's the Vegan Month of Food and blog 'scuse me? has plenty of treats planned this month in the way of vegan food and our feverish attempts to destroy pop culture.

My trip started out with a hunt for some soy milk for my morning coffee. I was tempted to use coconut milk, but I found soy milk at a local convenient store. The restaurants in Aruba are generally vegetarian friendly and most places are willing to alter menu items to veganize them. La Trattoria El Faro Blanco and Sawasdee Thai Restaurant both had vegan friendly items on their menus. The Thai place also had an excellent mock duck that you could add to any dish. At Papiamento Restaurant, they had a separate vegetarian specials menu. Texas de Brazil, a churrascaria where guys walk around with huge sword-like skewers of meat, oddly enough had a good vegan selection at their salad bar. The guy that kept the salad bar stocked gladly followed me around telling what was in everything. I had an insanely good tabbouleh here and this superb penne pasta with grilled portobello mushrooms and tomatoes.

I went to this juice bar on the beach where I got a watermelon, mango, and orange juice that was super delicious. Perusing their menu, they also had this drink there called a banana nog with milk, banana, and peanut butter. They unfortunately used cow's milk, but I plan to make my own as soon as I get some ripe bananas.


Curry and Coco - Papiamento Restaurant

This dish was curried vegetables with coconut milk. If you look at the upper right corner of the plate you will see these orange-yellow fruits with tomatillo-like husks. They are my new favorite food and I'm not 100% sure what they are exactly. The waiter at Papiamento told us they were tomatillos. The waiter at Wacky Wahoo's told us they were physalis, which happens to be the same genus of the tomatillo plant. All I know for sure is that it's a delicious fruit they import from Brazil. Wikipedia cleared it up a little. We all know that Wikipedia never lies.


Veggies on the Stone - Papiamento Restaurant

Assorted vegetables served on a sizzling hot stone with an herb-infused olive oil for dipping.


Mixed Vegetables in Peanut Sauce - Sawasdee Thai Restaurant

I also got a vegetarian satay here made with their mock duck. However I scarfed it down before I could take a picture.


Broccoli with Tofu and Cashew Nuts - Sawasdee Thai Restaurant


Seasonal House Salad - Wacky Wahoo's

They made a special pasta with veggies for me here since there was nothing vegan on the menu.


Insalata Ortolana - La Trattoria El Faro Blanco


Linguini Primavera - La Trattoria El Faro Blanco

The pasta was cooked to perfection and had eggplant, zucchini, squash, and red peppers.


Cat watching me eat my pasta - La Trattoria El Faro Blanco

In addition to the adorable cats wondering the outdoor terrace, there was an amazing view of the island from this restaurant.

Random Note: I saw quite a few stray cats and dogs on the island from time to time. I was told they currently have a neuter and spaying program in place for strays. (Information about animal protection in Aruba.)


French Fries - A Taste of Belgium

Not much for vegans on their menu, but they had good fries.


Espresso - A Taste of Belgium


Bruschetta - Salt and Pepper

Mostly tapas here. They had a veggie burger made with eggs and pasta that was also made with eggs.

Are You There, Michael Phelps? It's Me, Done-ness.

I've heard quite a bit regarding your 300-egg-n- cheese-sammich breakfasts. I've heard more than enough about you groping nubile bunnies at the Playboy mansion. So, now that I've paid my dues, can you go away? We all know that Milorad Cavic finished before you and the photo finish was tilted in your favor because you're American (aka a cheese-munching capitalist sofa jockey). We all know that your doofus grin is by no means going to grace the pages of US Magazine two years from now, unless you develop a drug habit or start dating Jessica "Fartin' Under the Sheets" Simpson. Why not throw in the sweaty, chlorine-scented towel while you're on top? Take your chiseled abs and recede into the night, leaving extra space for LoRo and Tiffany Pollard. Also, keep in mind that 140,000,000 calories a day is a touch unwise even for an Olympian.

Jonathan Davis Does Lil Wayne...

...with disturbing results. For reasons that most likely all trail back to the fact that KO(backwards friggin R)N has not released any decent original material since I sat in a classroom watching a filmstrip about lab safety, the man I will from now on refer to as Sweet Johnny D has decided to add Lil Wayne's Got Money to his roster of stolen goods. The song is somewhat delightful, a touch addictive, like heroin that's been left in the sun too long and has a green tinge to it, but come on Sweet Johnny D - the squiggly voice device? Is this your equivalent of a teddy bear t-shirt? Are you shooting for irony, or do you dream of the day when 16-year-old girls who smell of bubble gum and pony stickers call Z100 begging for your dulcet tones?

I know this much is true - if I ever hear SJD singing (Everything I Do) I Do It For You while dressed as a Musketeer and running his voice through Peter Frampton's guitar processor, I will hire Lil Wayne to fracture my sternum with his nosebleed-inducing guitar riffs and a fine, fine set of brass knuckles.

Actually, rumor has it that Bryan Adams has recently recorded a cloying, gently Canadian version of Lollipop. I don't know how you do it, Lil Wayne - enticing the musical masses to mimic you in a way that will never come close to your squeaky-voiced, heavily tattooed, guitar-killing splendor.

Blog-A-Thon Colon Impossible?

What do you get when you mix pad thai, coffee liquor, and tons of lime wedges? A crappy excuse for us to blog while drunk.

We're halfway through a bottle of coffee-infused vodka, and we've polished off about half a pound of the pad thai in all its rice noodley, saucey goodness. Will we make it to the next post? Will our audience be panting at their monitors, practically licking the screen while they await our next pop culture slaughter session? Will we rupture our vocal cords screaming over celebrities without makeup?

Really, this is just an excuse to get drunk, watch The Golden Girls, and take pictures of delicious wittles. I bet you wish you stayed in tonight.