Thursday, August 12, 2010

Sisterhood of the Traveling Crap

A list of the 20 Worst Chick Flicks of the Past 20 Years, ranked according to an average of critics' scores upon each movie's release, is now on Metacritic also offers its assessment of what defines a chick flick:

"...most if not all films that fall in the romance or romantic comedy genre are...considered to be chick flicks...any film that uses the word 'love' in the title - or, even better, 'bride' or 'wedding' - is almost certain to be a chick flick."

Duly noted; there are, however, several movies that fall within either category and are refreshing alternatives to chick flicks. In no particular order:

1. Bride of Chucky

Jennifer Tilly shines in a campy role as the Lake Shore Strangler's former lover, who joins him in killer doll form thanks to some black magic and a dream. Come for the nail gun murder, stay for the repulsive closing birth scene! As chick flicks teach, family matters.

2. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer

Girl meets boy, girl falls for boy, girl discovers boy murdered his mother in cold blood, girl doesn't mind, girl falls even more in love, boy mutters "I guess I love you, too", boy massacres girl and drops suitcase full of her body parts on the roadside. Loosely based on the confessions of Henry Lee Lucas, this blissful 80s romance features Rob Zombie favorite Tom "George Wydell" Towles as a buffoonish, incestuous rapist. So pleasant, I'm shocked the ads weren't pastel!

3. Corpse Bride

Victor's wedding plans are going fairly smoothly until the pesky, lovelorn corpse of a murdered woman gets in the way. Sort of an orchestral, decomposed My Best Friend's Wedding.

4. Meet the Feebles

Directed by Peter Jackson, prior to the 80-pound weight loss and obsession with CGI. A binge-eating, aging hippo thinks her marriage is just sublime (and performs a song called "Garden of Love" with cake in her cleavage) until she finds out her walrus husband is spending "quality time" with a cat. She gets miffed:

5. Love and Death on Long Island

John Hurt's finest work since his unfortunate lunch break in Alien. A prim, old-fashioned author accidentally wanders into a B-movie screening and develops a private obsession with a low-rent, BOP Magazine-ready actor. He eventually tracks the actor down at his home; things end with an excruciating diner confession, a seemingly 900-foot-long fax, and an emotionally tumultuous Jason Priestley.

Put some rollers in your hair, get the Purely Decadent out of the freezer, and enjoy all five!

Cocktails and Dinosaurs: News and Libations for the Weekend of FRIDAY THE 13TH!

Semi-weekly posts that were intruding on my happy hour schedule, but I'm bringing it back!

This is the Scott Pilgrim trailer with the panels from the graphic novel replacing the live action-ness. You should watch it. Then read the books. Then watch the movie. Do it.
  • ZOMBIES!!! Who doesn't love them? The comic book series, The Walking Dead, is being turned into a TV series on AMC. You won't have to wait long for zombies to invade your TV screen, but if October 2010 is too far way, you may want to consider finding your immobile somewhat rotten mate for life on ZombieHarmony.

  • How do I segue from zombies to Korean girls dancing with pizza? Oh, that should do it.

  • Wyclef Jean for President of Haiti. Who wouldn't support this? Maybe Pras, fellow ex-Fugee, who is supporting Michel Martell as the more "competent" candidate. Did Martell get nominated for Golden Globe in 2005? I don't think so.

  • Holy Shit!! The original lineup of Van Halen is getting back together to record a new album. When did money become more important than holding a grudge?

  • Johnny Marr is writing the theme song to the new David Cross TV series "The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret" and you should follow the link to more links to the pilot and trailer for the previously mentioned TV series.

  • Countdown to the Polaris Music Prize 2010! Fucked Up won last year. Who will win this year? Check out the short list and let me know your predictions. I think there is going to be a five-way tie.
Cocktail of the Week: Sangria!!

Sangria is a great summer beverage. This one is from our favorite NYC brunch spots, Sacred Chow. Fruit is a great addition to any drink, add some wine and brandy and it really is perfect for any season.

Send any news tidbits and cocktails ideas to:

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Save The Geese... from the Velociraptors?

This goose and gosling are from Weehawken, New Jersey and hopefully a safe enough distant from New York.

Sometime in July, vegansaurus! (a blog I like to frequent) posted a story about the Canada geese in Prospect Park, Brooklyn. Nearly 400 geese had been gassed "for air safety". If you need more of a reason to read up on the topic:

"According to local teacher and my new favorite person, Seth Kaplan: 'It’s really important to remember that the Canada geese that collided with Flight 1549 were tested by researchers at the Smithsonian and they were not populations that lived in our area,' and they say most of the Prospect Park geese are probably residents."

Then, almost a month later, this shows up on The Daily What:

Who is running Prospect Park right now? No, really... mass extermination plus bullshit signs equals... what?

Anyway, on August 12, 2010, there is going to be a demonstration at the New York City Hall from 12-1pm. RSVP now!! Read a better description of it at Supervegan.

Update (8/12/2010): In my haste to post something about the City Hall demonstration and my velociraptor confusion, I failed to mention a few important points about Goosageddon 2010.

From this New York Times article:

"Following the landing of U.S. Airways Flight #1549 on the Hudson River last year, New York officials crafted a plan to address the threat posed to aviation by Canada geese. Their plan, whose details were not available until now, calls for reducing the number of geese in New York State by two-thirds."

So from an estimated population of 250,000 Canada geese, they would like to whittle it down to about 85,000 geese.

This is from the nine-page report on New York’s plan to eradicate Canada geese on or around New York City airports:

“At John F. Kennedy International Airport there have been 676 reported bird strikes from January 2004 to December 2008. Five of these strikes involved Canada geese of which 1 strike caused substantial damage and 1 strike caused minor damage to the aircraft. At LaGuardia Airport there have been 410 reported bird strikes from January 2004 to December 2008. Four of these strikes involved Canada geese of which 1 strike caused minor damage.”

After 9 Canada geese strikes out of 1086 bird strikes in four years, three of which actually caused damage, government officials drafted a nine page report on gassing and double-bagging these clearly destructive animals!? I'm pretty sure this doesn't help rationalize it.

Because a $60 million aircraft was destroyed, 170,000 Canada geese must die.

And it’s not just New York. New Jersey also has a troubled relationship with the Canada geese recently “euthanizing” 133 geese in Mount Laurel, NJ.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Save This Show! And Some Other Stuff.

At first glance, one might say that evening tv is in a sorry state if I'm turning to a comedy series about an alcoholic, hypersexual gorilla puppet in a cloth helmet for emotional fulfillment. Well, cynics, MTV's Warren the Ape is actually good. Unfortunately, I and .0009 other people are the only ones who seem to think so. Come on, people, flip away from that rerun of CSI: Boise or whatever the eff they're making these days and watch! I don't want to see this get cancelled and find myself numbing the pain with The Kilborn Files.

In honor of Monica, this scene takes place at a comic book store. Sadly, no issues of Chew are to be found...

Find more videos like this on GREG THE BUNNY and WARREN THE APE

In other news...

There's a new series of commercials for HP starring Flight of the Conchords' Rhys Darby, aka the best person to ever live. Seek these gems out, and watch as his enthusiasm for technology is met with contempt by various jerks.

Last but not least, Mike Nelson and pals have recorded a new Rifftrax for John Travolta's OTHER polyester nightmare, The Boy in the Plastic Bubble. Blatant horsploitation noted.

"Faster, Gina!! FASTER!!!"

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Leave It To Bieber

Justin Bieber in 3D? And you thought movie theater floors were sticky before.less than a minute ago via web

For those of you who don't know Justin Bieber, he's Canadian and he has a twitter account. Those are pretty much the two most important things you can retain from this post. Oh yeah, and he shot Raaaaaandy in the knee and stole his song, "Baby, Baby".

According to twitter, he is currently on his My World Tour, where I can only presume he will not be making stops at North Korea or Germany.

This 16 year old Canadian twitter phenom is also currently working on an illustrated memoir. Illustrated!?!? The only thing that could be more awesome is a graphic novel about the life and times of The Bieb.

it isnt a memoir...i teamed up with this amazing photographer robert and he has been taking pictures behind the scenes from before the tour.less than a minute ago via web

Wait a minute, Bieb, are you trying to tell me that it's not a memoir and it's not even illustrated... And who's this robert character? Between you and me, I think you should stick to the graphic novel rumor I started.

Since my posts are better off in list form, I shall leave you with this video from Taiwan's NMA News (The only place for Sim-like reenactments of real-life events).

Lesson: Don't Fuck with The Bieb!!!