Nick Nick Doom: Death of the Bachelor Posts

Disclaimer:  Tara wrote the following several weeks ago while I was busy curled up in the fetal position stress eating, signing every online petition I could get my hands on and putting my senators on speed dial.  Needless to say, we will not be recapping the rest of the season.

Monica and I have decided to end our recaps of Nick's season; this should provide some clarity.  Furthermore, in light of our new fascist regime, we need to retreat to our titanium bunker carved into the side of Mount Haystack and plot over bowls of room temperature corn niblets.  If anyone wants to share protest experiences, conversations with senators' staff, methods of self-care, etc., we'd love to get privy.

To make the oncoming radio silence less painful, here are the Blog 'Scuse Me Official Predictions of Bachelor Shenanigans to Come:

• Taylor will rip Corinne's face and hair off to reveal she's been a vengeful gopher on stilts this whole time. 

• Nick will convert to Eckankar and get too busy trying to achieve God-Realization to focus on dating (I've lost count of how many times this has happened on reality tv). 

• The cast will receive order from Chris Harrison and an "anonymous collaborator" to vacation in Russia, where Nick will ride a stallion topless and unceremoniously toss Corinne into Klyuchevskaya Sopka.

Sorry, Nick, much like your production team we have failed you.  (Monica again)

On the bright side, Rachel is going to be the next Bachelorette.  She'll be making history as the first black lead on the show after 21 seasons of The Bachelor and 12 seasons on The Bachelorette.  Let's just hope we will get our shit together in time to recap her season.

Love, bouncy castles, and puppies, until next time/season!