Saturday, June 28, 2008

The words "burrito," "botox," "Tom Cruise," and "hangover" are words...

Anyone who reads the newspapers is aware that tonight is Lachapalooza 2008. What does that mean for Blog 'scuse me?? It means bastardizing popular libations and baking up some amazing vegan treats for the meat-scented masses. Breaking News!!! Malibu Bay Breeze snow cones shall grace this event for the first time in Lachapalooza history. Will this year mark the return of the beer pong table? Only time will tell. Will the members of ERINLACH be making an appearance? Is it possible that they will play Man Thighs Are Yucky this year, compelling the police to visit for its sheer magnum force? Will there be an unfortunate mishap involving a bottle of Jameson, a Slip N Slide, and a frantic 911 call? Will Allie take a swan dive into the keg again? Will Erin's hallway once again flood with beer and hamburger vomit? Will there be sequined flip flops?

One question we know the answer to is whether we will be subscribing to Cosmopolitan Magazine aka National Dairy Council approved Prada wearing Sausage Pounders. Why, do you ask, would we be so bitter? Could it be that a recent issue advises readers not to invite vegans to barbecues? Do they fear losing their precious Got Milk ads if a single subscriber invites a vegan into their household? Do they imagine vegan guests replacing kegs of beer with barrels of nutritional yeast? Are they worried that blocks of tofu will make their readers turn against men no longer needing the nauseatingly prevalent sex tips and how I finally tamed him testimonials? Are they upset that we bring scrumptious baked goods and force people to drink inventive cocktails (that might just be us)? Do they have nightmares of a storm cloud forming over the backyard and unleashing a downpour of fluffy puppies and hemp products? Which has happened a couple times but trust me everyone had fun once the shock wore off and we laid out some newspapers for the puppies.

Blog 'scuse me? will promptly give you the lowdown on all the charcoal stained debauchery that will surely take place tonight. Unless of course we are in jail or watching after the puppies.

Here's a snippet of the treats we will be bringing to this year's Lachapalooza. So when you are thinking about inviting a vegan to your barbecue heed Cosmo's warning. God knows people hate chocolate chip cookies and booze.

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