Cinema with Comestible Accompaniments: Dragnet

A safe place for lovers of movies and pun-based food recipes with a fondness for TBS's Dinner and A Movie.  Oh yeah, and all the classic Dinner and A Movie recipes will be veganized. 

The Movie
Dragnet (1987)
Leonard Maltin Review:  **1/2 D: Tom Mankiewicz.  Dan Aykroyd, Tom Hanks, Christopher Plummer, Harry Morgan, Alexandra Paul, Jack O'Halloran, Elizabeth Ashley, Dabney Coleman, Kathleen Freeman.  Aykroyd is a comic reincarnation of Jack Webb, playing Sgt. Joe Friday's dense but dedicated nephew in this parody.  Hanks is fun as his freewheeling new partner, with Morgan, Webb's onetime sidekick, now promoted to captain of the L.A.P.D.  Starts out quite funny, then goes flat...but the punchline is a howl.  Aykroyd co-scripted with Mankiewicz and Alan Zweibel.

Spoiler Alert:  There may be spoilers peppered though the movie portion of this post, consider yourself warned.

First, let's take a look at the title theme because it is so painfully and beautifully 80's.


"Just the facts, ma'am." -Joe Friday

Dragnet, originally an American radio series started in 1949, that portrayed the cases of a Los Angeles police detective, Sergeant Joe Friday, and his partners.  (Wikipedia never lies)  For those of you unfamiliar with the concept of a radio series, it's like a podcast that streams live by using radio waves to carry information like sound.
This classic buddy cop comedy is filled with intrigue, car chases, girls in bikinis, a virgin in a white dress, an evil group raining havoc on the city of Los Angeles, but at the heart it, it's about friendship...and the defense of pornography?

"Friday, these animals were trapped and stunned and roped and crated and shipped.  Dropped into cages.  You think they were out in the wild, forming lines, jockeying for position saying, 'Take me.  Take me.  I wanna live on the damn cement'?"  - Pep

At the beginning of the movie, we get the strong impression that Pep Streebek, Joe Friday's new partner, might be a vegan/vegetarian concerned with animal rights issues.  First, he argues with Joe that dragging an animal out of its natural habitat and trapping it in a cage to live in a zoo for the rest of its existence is animal cruelty, both valid and true.  Then, he lectures Joe on his unhealthy chili dog habit whilst eating a mixture of fruit and lettuce with chopsticks.  However, halfway through the movie he kills a 30 foot anaconda with a handful of hallucinogenic drugs and asks Granny Monday if she's ever eaten a chili dog off the back of a motorcycle.  Is this a commentary on the fickle nature of hipster youths or just inconsistency?

Enid Borden (Kathleen Freeman) has the best lines in this movie:
"That goddamned pus-faced little pimp stick!"
"Useless scum lapping shit bag!"
"...so there's nothing you can do about it, you slimy little jizz bucket!"
"That miserable little bag of puke!"

Peter Leeds, Kathleen Freeman (above), and Harry Morgan (M*A*S*H) were all cast members of various earlier "Dragnet" shows. (IMDB)

"Look out!  Moppets!"  -Joe Friday
What happened to movies with car chases that destroy fruit carts or hit piles of stuffed animals?  I googled moppet and it means a small endearingly sweet child.  I'm so glad they didn't hit any of them.

"Surf's up, beach boy, but not for you.  You'll be hanging ten downtown." -Joe Friday

"Well, Emil...I guess it's just you and me...and...your balls and this drawer." -Pep

"Kill the good!  Kill the good!  Kill the good!  Kill the good!" - P.A.G.A.N. (People Against Goodness and Normalcy, aka the bad guys)

Connie Swail's house (shown above) was used as Ray Peterson's home in The'Burbs (1989).  It was later used as Susan Mayer's house in the television series Desperate Housewives (2004).  (IMDB)

"Now, if you'll both excuse me.  I'm afraid the second-highest duty calls." -Reverend Whirley 
This is a poop joke...right?

It is stated that one of the Bait Mate April's favorite movies is The Sound of Music (1965), which featured Christopher Plummer (Reverend Whirley). (IMDB)

"Granny, have you ever eaten a chili dog off the back of a motorcycle?" -Pep

"Reverend, you have balls as big as church bells." -Jerry Caesar

The photograph of Captain Gannon's wife behind his desk is the same photograph as Colonel Potter's wife in M*A*S*H (1972).  Both parts were played by Harry Morgan. (IMDB)

"You know, in spite of every logical instinct I've ever had in my life, I consider you a friend, a real friend." -Pep

This movie was the second time Tom Hanks and Dabney Coleman worked together.  The first time was The Man With One Red Shoe (1985).  (IMDB) 

"Muzz, you weren't even born with the sense God gave the common dog.  Don't you know that's my partner?" -Joe Friday

"Just close your eyes and think of Christmas." -Joe Friday

The Recipe
Just the Facts, Tofu Ham

To veganize this recipe, I had to mashup an Isa Chandra Moskowitz recipe with the Claud Mann recipe.  If you would like to make the inspirational Sweet and Smoky Glazed Tofu Ham, you can find it here or pick up The Superfun Times Vegan Holiday Cookbook at your local bookstore.  Actually, you should pick up three copies, one for travelling with, one to keep in your kitchen, and one for paging through while you're in the bathroom.  It's a good read and has lots of pictures, but I shouldn't have to explain myself.

Ingredients:

• 1 12 oz. block of tofu

For the marinade:

• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1/4 cup tamari or soy sauce
• 1/4 cup pure maple syrup 
• 6 oz. stout beer (for help finding vegan stout try here or here)
• 2 tbsp liquid smoke
• 1/4 packed brown sugar
• 2 tsp garlic powder
• 2 tsp onion powder
• 1 tsp smoked paprika

For the tofu ham:

• 1/2 cup of each: chopped onion, carrots, and celery
• 6 oz. stout beer
• 1 tsp sage
• 1 orange, thinly sliced 
• Whole cloves (a bunch of them)

For the glaze:

• 3 tbsp orange or apricot marmalade
• 1/2 cup marsala or sherry
• 1 tbsp dry mustard
• 6 tbsp pure maple syrup
• The will to serve (hot) and to protect (your reputation in the kitchen)

 1.  In a shallow dish or gallon size zipper bag, whisk together all the marinade ingredients.  Place the block of tofu in the marinade, turn to coat, and marinade in the refrigerator for at least 4 hour, and up to overnight.

2.  Preheat the oven to 375ºF.

3.  Toss the vegetable and sage around in the beer.  (This kind of makes no sense, but I wanted an even coating of sage on the veggies.)

 4.  In the square pan I set aside for brownies and mac-n-cheese (9x9?), arrange the orange slices in an even layer.  Place the marinated tofu in the center.

5.  Lightly score the top of the tofu with a sharp knife in a latticework design, about 1/4 inch deep.  Press the whole cloves into the intersections of the cuts.

6.  Add the vegetables around the sides of the tofu and drizzle some of the leftover marinade over everything.

7.  Bake for an hour.

8.  Mix together the Marsala, marmalade, dry mustard, and maple syrup.

9.  After the tofu has baked for 1 hour, brush the Marsala mixture over the surface of the tofu.  Bake an additional 30 minutes, basting the tofu  with the Marsala mixture every 5 minutes.

10.  Allow the tofu to cool for about 5 minutes before slicing to serve.

10.  You've finished your work, what do you see...just a tofu ham?... Well, that's not all I see.  Mister--I see the good people of this city lined up with arms akimbo waiting to try an honest piece of bean curd grown by thousands of proud soy farmers working hard to produce a leaner, more healthful soy product.













Tara's review: "It was delish.  Good texture, opposite of bland...I think if I were to change anything, it would be less citrus."

Happy VeganMoFo!

Cinema with Comestible Accompaniments: The 'Burbs

A safe place for lovers of movies and pun-based food recipes with a fondness for TBS's Dinner and A Movie.  Oh yeah, and all the classic Dinner and A Movie recipes will be veganized. 

I took a break from binge watching holiday movies to watch The 'burbs this week!

The Movie
The 'burbs (1989)
Leonard Maltin Review:  ** D: Joe Dante.  Tom Hanks, Bruce Dern, Carrie Fisher, Rick Ducommun, Corey Feldman, Wendy Schaal, Henry Gibson, Brother Theodore, Courtney Gaines, Gale Gordon, Dick Miller.  Strange new neighbors set a neighborhood abuzz, and lead several slightly cracked compadres to extreme measures so they can learn just what's going on behind closed doors.  Comically warped view of suburban life takes far too much time to play out its paper-thin premise, and leads to (mostly) predictable results.  

Spoiler Alert:  There may be spoilers peppered though the movie portion of this post, consider yourself warned.

In the words of Robert Frost, "Good fences make good neighbors."  Enter the movie where you're not quite sure who the bad guys are.  Are they the creepy neighbors who rarely go outside and have a giant furnace in the basement?  Or are they the busybody neighbors who keep trespassing and causing numerous amounts of property damage?  Maybe those meddling neighbors should of just minded their own business, but where's the fun in that.

"Walter's dog just took a dump on Rumsfield's lawn again." - Ray

The director, Joe Dante, might sound familiar if you are a big fan of The Gremlins movies, Innerspace, Explorers, you know, defining 80's movies.  Not only that, but Gremlins should be on everyone's top 5 Christmas movies.  I know it gets a little fucking scary, but look into Gizmo's eyes and tell him it's not Christmas.  I dare you.  Aside from Dante, you have prime comedy-era Tom Hanks, right before he got into more dramatic roles and left his over-the-top hand gestures and his chris pratfalls to the wayside.  Lest we forget, Bruce Dern, who when I saw Nebraska (the movie), I thought to myself that guy looks really familiar.  Turns out he was in one of my favorite movies, MacGruber.  Just kidding, it's The 'burbs. (That was a Will Forte joke, in case that wasn't clear.  If you can't read it with my comical timing, it's your fault.)

"Art's got a gun." - Ray

This movie happens over a holiday week and obviously during the warmer months because it's assumed we are in the Midwest of the US and everybody is dressed like they are from California (maybe because it was shot on a backlot).  There are only a few holidays that children (i.e. Dave and Ricky) would have a week off and maybe Art and Rumsfield but Ray would need to use vacation time.  We have maybe an early spring break Easter week, Memorial Day (which would still overlap with the school year),  Independence Day (but that would involve more fireworks and patriotic fun, and lastly Labor Day, end of the summer party.  It's never mentioned except for the fact that Art and Rumsfield are always around and the movie only takes place over four days (five if you include the beginning when Ray wakes up early and walks over to the Klopeks house which could be included in the original four day depending on the time).  The movie has to start on either a Monday or Tuesday for Art to ask Ray if he's taking the week off at the beginning of the movie and for Ray to tell Carol to 'have a nice weekend' before he sends her off to her sister's an hour into the movie (day 4).  Not only that, why is he taking this time off, in the movie Carol (his wife) makes it sound like he had a nervous breakdown.

"...a hideous raging inferno." - Art

Let's talk about the Klopeks for a second.   Courtney Gains, who has starred in a million things, most notably other than The 'burbs,  Malachai from Children from the Corn and "Dixon" from Back to the Future (you might not remember the name, but you definitely remember the scene where some redheaded guy steal Lorraine from George McFly and Marty's hand starts to fade into non-existence, yeah, that cackling jerk was Courtney.  Special shout out to the The 'burbs minute podcast folks.  Listen to it because anyone could do a better job than I'm doing.)  For Henry Gibson (the doctor), my fondest memories of him may be from Bio-Dome or Sabrina the Teenage Witch, but he's been in everything.  Lastly, Brother Theodore, who was the voice of Gollum in the 1977 The Hobbit.

"Ricky Butler says they're nocturnal feeders." - Dave, Ray's son



"In southeast Asia, we call this type of thing bad karma." - Rumfield

Thank you, Joe Dante, for the Queenie close up.

"Ray, what were you saying the other day about half-cocked theories?" - Art

Random question, but does Ricky ever do anything more than move paint cans and order pizza?  Not that there is anything wrong that.

"GARBIES, GARBIES, GARBAGEMEN!" - Art

If you are into maps, you are going to love this: backlot map link
Here are the house #s and residents:
667: Walter Seznick
668: undisclosed
669: The Klopeks
670: The Rumsfields
671: The Petersons
672: Ricky Butler
673: The Weingartners (Art)

Ricky's house is the Munsters house which is why we never see enough of it to be recognizable.

"A soldier's way saves the day." - Rumsfield

The three movies that Ray Peterson flip through before he has his nightmare are Race with the Devil (1975), The Exorcist (1973), and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986) starring Dennis Hopper for that last movie.

"Who started this, tuna neck?" - Carol


"As soon as that car leaves in the morning, I'm going over the fence and I'm not coming back until I find a dead body." - Ray

Shall we talk about the dog who played Queenie, appearing in Batman Returns, an episode of Coach, Pee-wee's Big Adventure, and most notably as Precious in The Silence of the Lambs?  There is a dog that has a better resume than most actors.

"Shut up and paint your house." - Rumsfield

Super spoiler: In the original script Ray Peterson was supposed to be killed by the Klopeks.  However, when Tom Hanks was cast, the studio didn't think the audience would appreciate witnessing Joe vs the Volcano getting killed onscreen.

"...you can't go now.  This is the best part.  I called the pizza dude." - Ricky

More shitty fun facts (via IMDB):

• At the time of filming, Corey Feldman and Michael Jackson were good friends.  Bubbles, the famed chimpanzee of Michael Jackson, visited the set.  On these occasions he would defecated and spread his feces all over Feldman's trailer, to the point that Joe Dante had to ban Bubbles from the set.
• Tom Hanks improvised the scene where he picks up the gurney and puts himself into the ambulance.
• The Klopeks named their Great Dane after a notorious French serial killer, Henri Landru.
• The film was entirely shot on the Universal Studios lot.
• The  astronomic zoom at the beginning of the movie places the movie location in central Iowa; fictional Hinkley Hills is probably a 'burb of Des Moines.
• In the Klopeks basement there is a sled with the name Rosebud - a reference to Citizen Kane (1941).
• The trash that Art and Rumsfield throw into the street remains there for the rest of the movie and is run over several times by various people.

"Hey Pinocchio, where are you going?" - Rumsfield

The Recipe
Classic "Cul de Sac" Mac 'N' Cheese
(for original recipe click here)

For Cheese Sauce:
2 cups almond milk (or your favorite plant-based milk)
1 cup cashews, soaked for at least 2 hours
1 cup vegetable broth
1/2 onion
1 bay leaf
2 whole cloves
1/2 cup non-hydrogenated margarine or coconut oil
1/4 cup shallots, minced
1/3 cup flour
1 tsp dry mustard
1/8 tsp white pepper
1 tbsp vegetarian Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp chopped fresh thyme
1/8 tsp nutmeg
1/8 tsp cayenne
1/2 tsp salt

For the Filling:
16 oz. dry macaroni
2 cup Daiya shreads (or your favorite vegan cheese)
1/4 cup or more nutritional yeast
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1 dirty little secret

1.  Preheat the oven to 375F.  Grease a 2-3 quart casserole.

2.  Cook the macaroni until al dente (a minute or two less than the package instructions).  Rinse in cold water, drain and set aside.

 3.  Pour the non-dairy milk into a small sauce pan, stick the bay leaf to the onion with the cloves and add to the milk.  Slowly bring the milk to a simmer on a medium-low heat.  Melt 1/2 of the margarine in a medium sauce pan, add the chopped shallots and cook at a medium heat until soft.  Add the flour, dry mustard and white pepper and cook another 2 minutes.

4.  Slowly add the milk to the margarine/flour mixture, whisking constantly.

5.  Once combine in a blender, add the cashews (soaked, then drained), the vegetable broth, and the milk/margarine/flour mixture.  Blend until smooth.

6.  Pour the mixture from the blender back into the saucepan.  Add the studded onion and Worcestershire to the sauce and simmer at least 15 minutes, until thick and creamy.

 7.  Remove from heat, discard the onion.  Lightly season with thyme and just a pinch of nutmeg and cayenne.

 8.  In the greased casserole dish, place the cooked and drained macaroni.  Pour the cheesy sauce on top and few fist fulls of your favorite vegan shreads.  Mix well.

9.  Top with nutritional yeast and bread crumbs.

 10.  Dot with the remaining margarine and bake uncovered for 20 or 30 minutes until brown and bubbly.

11. Don't become a creepy neighbor and enjoy The 'burbs.

Cinema with Comestible Accompaniments: Heathers

A safe place for lovers of movies and pun-based food recipes with a fondness for TBS's Dinner and A Movie.  Oh yeah, and all the classic Dinner and A Movie recipes will be veganized. 

From 1995 to 2011, TBS provided recipes to compliment the movies they aired on a show hosted by Paul Gilmartin, Claud Mann (the chef), and what AV Club calls "a succession of female hosts" Annabelle Gurwitch being my favorite.


With two cookbooks and the vast internet, I plan on veganizing every Dinner and a Movie recipe I can get my hands on because this show deserves to live on in my cold dark vegan heart.

The Movie

Heathers (1989)
Leonard Maltin Review:  **1/2 D: Michael Lehmann.  Winona Ryder, Christian Slater, Shannen Doherty, Lisanne Falk, Kim Walker, Penelope Milford, Glenn Shadix, Lance Fenton.  Sharp, somewhat smug satire of high school social strata, with Ryder in a terrific performance as a girl who hangs out with the school's bitch-queens but doesn't feel quite comfortable about their reign of terror.  Outrageous black humor works at first, but isn't sustained; uneven script goes far astray.  Slater is commanding in his Jack Nicholson-esque performance.  Feature debut for director Lehmann and writer Daniel Waters, with many virtues as well as flaws. [R]

Spoiler Alert:  There may be spoilers peppered though the movie portion of this post, consider yourself warned.

The movie that answers the age old question: Are we going to prom or to hell?

Corn nuts...  

High school was hard for most of us, but for Veronica, her "teen angst bullshit has a body count."  (That sounds like the beginning to the trailer, right?)  I remember thinking people in high school talked the way they did in this movie.  Needless to say, I was very disappointed.  (Side note: Dawson's Creek came out when I was in high school and none of my friends used half as many SAT words.  That was very disappointing as well.  I still want to marry Pacey, though.)

"...bulimia is so '87"

This movie has a special place in my heart (which is why I started with it) because it validated my disdain for the popular crowd and at the time I first saw it I wanted to be Winona Ryder.  She was fresh off of Beetlejuice playing strip croquet with a pre-baboon heart Christian Slater.  What's not to love?  The movie is visually stunning as well.  All the Heathers are color coded, presumably not to mix them up, but the use of color definitely adds to the story.  First, we have Heather Chandler (Kim Walker) in red (power color), the Regina George of the group.  Then there is Heather Duke (Shannen Doherty) in green... with jealously?  which is established during the croquet game at the beginning of the movie and later when she gains possession of the red scrunchie.  Heather McNamara (Lisanne Falk) in yellow, the weakest in the group, only because she's the realest person in the group who has real people feelings when people around her start dying.  Veronica (Winona Ryder) wears lots of blacks and blues and she happens to be the one to introduce all the death and mayhem that follows.

"I gotta motor"

Both the Veronica and J.D. character have weird relationships with their fathers.  Veronica's dad will throw out a rhetorical question as to why he does something and Veronica responds with, "...because you're an idiot."  J.D. and his father, however, have this banter where they switch roles and J.D. refers to his dad as son.  I'm struggling right now to think of a teen movie where the parent is shown as anything other than to create a conflict or completely pointless.

"...that the answers can be found in the MTV video games."  

 Something I just recently noticed is that Veronica uses a monocle throughout the movie and they never call attention to it.  I need to get myself a monocle.

Another observation is Heather Chandler's coffee table contains a Cliffs Notes for The Bell Jar and Info Magazine with the cover article being "The Fall of the American Teen" which helps J.D. concocted the suicide idea.

My favorite character, hands down, is Martha 'Dumptruck' Dunnstock with her Big Fun t-shirt and her plans to rent some new releases and pop some popcorn with Veronica on prom night.  That would have made a great spin off or sequel.

My favorite scene is the Heather Duke funeral-dream sequence where everyone is wearing 3-D glasses and white gowns.  This just help to prove that the 80's were superior in every way.

More quotes I love:
"Our love is God. Let's go get a slushie." - J.D.

"Chaos is what killed the dinosaur, darling." - J.D.

"I don't patronize bunny rabbits." - Veronica's Dad

"If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being you would be a game show host." - Veronica

Trivia:

• Heathers was filmed in 32 days in July and August of 1988.  
• The Veronica role was originally intended for Jennifer Connelly, who turned it down. 
• Justine Bateman was also considered for the lead.  
• Brad Pitt auditioned for the role of J.D. but was considered "too nice."  Thelma and Louise era Brad Pitt... he was too nice.  Actually, Ocean 1000 era Brad Pitt still too nice.
• Westerberg High was named after Paul Westerberg from The Replacements, Winona's favorite band at the time.
• Ich Luge is German for "I'm Lying" - the bullet J.D. tells Veronica they are using for Kurt and Ram.
• Ram - if you are a fan of the movie Summer School, he also plays a jock in that movie.  The actor's name is Patrick Labyorteaux.
• Something I learned from listening to the podcast Sweet Teen Club, the version of Que Sera, Sera in the movie is not the Doris Day version because she wouldn't let her vocals be used on any project that used profanity. 
• Soon there will be a TV series on TVLand based on Heathers.  (Here's an article on Jezebel which is where I get all my news.)
• Heathers: An oral history (courtesy of Entertainment Weekly)

The Recipe
Heathers 'Killer Pasta w/ Oregano'
(for original recipe click here)

For Pasta:
(I used the pasta recipe from Vegan Dad here)
2 cups flour (1 cup all purpose and 1 cup semolina)
1 tsp salt
2 tbsp fresh oregano, finely chopped
about 1/2 cup water
1 tbsp olive oil (optional)

For Sauce:
1 yellow onion, diced
1 lb ripe plum tomatoes
4 cloves garlic
1 tbsp tomato paste
1/3 cup dry red wine
2 tbsp olive oil
1/2 tsp black pepper
1 fist full of fresh oregano and basil (optional)
1 copy of Moby Dick
Mineral Water
Big Red Scrunchie
(The original recipe had cheese in the sauce, I took it out, get over it.  Just add extra scrunchies.)

 I advise following the Vegan Dad recipe for the pasta as I am a fresh pasta novice and used a humorously tiny rolling pin to roll out my pasta which took forever.  I added the fresh oregano when combining the flours and salt.















The drying the pasta on the kitchen cabinet doors trick courtesy of the Vegan Dad blog.

Preheat over to 350F.

Combine the red wine, olive oil and tomato paste.
(My first attempt at this recipe I forgot to pick up wine and used balsamic vinegar instead.  Turned out pretty good.)

Cut the tomatoes in half and arrange on a cookie sheet cut side up. 

Drizzle the wine mixture over the tomatoes then top with the diced onions, garlic, salt and pepper.  Bake for 30 minutes.

Post oven photo.

Put everything on the pan into the blender, minus the parchment paper.  (What did we do before parchment paper?)  When the sauce looks nice and smooth, add a fistful of oregano and/or basil and give it a few quick pulses to just roughly chop the herbs up.  

And there you have it Veronica's favorite dinner Spaghetti with lots of oregano.  Can you tell which one is from the movie and which one I made?  Probably.


The next movie will be announce shortly.  I was going to do The 'Burbs, but Netflix rudely removed it from streaming.