Thursday, August 2, 2012

When Does Autumn Start? Soon? Songs of Summer 2012

We've reached the sweet point in the season at which any mainstream artist who wanted to crank out a "summer anthem" this year has already made the effort and is now tucked in the studio prepping a holiday jam; maybe one that sounds oddly similar to Liz Phair's "Why Can't I".

Now that the kids have spent weeks rocking across Dorito-littered beaches to summery Top 40, let's pluck a few turds from the 2012 roster and examine their corresponding music videos. 

1.  Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen - Good Time

What It's About:  A man who feels the need to refer to himself as "Owl City" and Canadian songstress Jepsen do some clean livin' in the woods with kids who look like they just wrapped a photo shoot for an Urban Outfitters catalog.

Why It Sucks:  Owl City acts like a smug idiot the whole time (I don't think I've ever seen a worse lip-syncher) and seems to be having an issue with muscle control in the "magic by the campfire" sequence.  Also, the gang is obviously having three kinds of a blast but I didn't spot one bottle of liquor. Does not compute.

2.  Katy Perry - Wide Awake

What It's About: Katy Perry puts on her "sexy vampire" costume from last October and mopes amongst corny symbolism. FAME IS HARD. MEN ARE JERKS. MY INNOCENCE IS LOST. I LOOK HOT IN PURPLE.

Why It Sucks:  The scenes in the nightmare hospital are so ridiculous in their attempts to be deep and psychological that I did this upon my first watch:

Also, was the ending supposed to be a surprise?  I've been more surprised at the plot turns of an Adam Sandler movie. Katy, please stop making "art" and go back to shooting sundae toppings from your bra.

3.  Matchbox Twenty - She's So Mean

What It's About:  A beautiful, wonderful, saintly woman does everything in her power to get Matchbox Twenty to shut up.

Why It Sucks:  CG fire.  I've said enough.  But allow me to add:  Wtf is with the drummer's "feeling the holy spirit of the epic lyrics" face at 1:55?  Does he honestly believe the song warrants that?  If he ever got the opportunity to cover some Beatles, would his features collapse into his skull as he urinated confetti?

There have been heaps of serious musical failures floating around since June 20th, so stay tuned for more breakdowns. In the meantime, cleanse your palette with my latest choice for It Song/Video, a HEALTH/Eric Wareheim bit of flashy gory electro.

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